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Angel Babies goes to St. Clair Hospital
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by Tammy Tobac I was asked and honored to speak at St. Clair Hospital for their Infant Loss Memorial Service on January 6th. Dr. Lillian Meyers introduced me to Kathy Krchmar, from St. Clair Hospital, to put together a program for their 5th Annual Memorial service. It was originally to be a Holiday Service, but had to be postponed until January 6th, due to the ice storm that took place on the 15th of December. It was a lovely ceremony that included music, videos, and my story, followed by food and fellowship. We brought a full music and multi-media program, along with Tanner's story and poetry about his life and my grief after his loss. I was accompanied by Brian Wachtel (also from my church, North Way Christian Community), on guitar. He brought along a friend, Donna Brincdak to accompany us on keyboards and vocals. Brian and Donna had both experienced the loss of a baby, years before. Brian was able to share how his loss affected his life. He spoke of how God took care of him and his wife Chris through the difficult time they endured as she lost first her baby. Shortly after, Chris's Mother died in a car crash. We were able to say that we truly knew how they were feeling and we weren't there just to play music for them. We were also joined by my sister Tracy Mayrhofer on vocals. We began the program with several Christmas songs, then played the song Homesick by Mercy Me (which we did at the TCF candlelight service). I gave my story about losing my son, Tanner Jason Tobac, who was stillborn, full term, on September 30, 1999. I also read various poems I had written through the years. It is difficult to face a room full of people who are newly bereaved and just embarking on that path of grief. Many tears were shed, including some of my own, as I continued my speech. I concluded my portion of the program with the hope that one day they too would find peace, and that they would be able to take someone by the hand and say, "I will help you through friend, I have been where you are." My advice was to seek the help where ever they might find it, be it the hospital's support group, Angel Babies, the Compassionate Friends or even online at angelmoms.com. We concluded my speech with the song "I Can Only Imagine", with a beautiful video accompaniment on screen, to remind them that one day they will see their babies again. Kathy Krchmar mentioned to the audience, the poem I had finished my speech with, called "The Box". She particularly noticed this poem because it spoke of still having those feelings of sadness after 3 years. She wanted to acknowledge the fact that the feelings that accompany this loss will continue throughout your life. I will share the poem "The Box." Please look at the 'Angel Babies' menu. This was followed by a very sweet Christmas ornament ceremony where each parent placed a teddy bear angel on the tree, that held a small wooden heart where they wrote their child's name. I held the microphone as they each said aloud the name and hung the bears on the tree. We concluded with several Christmas songs and several worship songs, followed by food and fellowship. It was wonderful to see a hospital and it's staff, so lovingly and continually care for those who had lost babies at their facility through the years. I was extremely honored and humbled to be a part of it. I thank Lil for thinking of me when it came time to do this program. Lil attended the service, accompanied by a dear friend, Courtney, who recently had a stillborn son. I also wish to thank Brian, Donna & Tracy who added so much to the program. We know how music touches the heart.
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